speak now.

i cant believe im actually saying this, but i miss high school. 

regular school started back today…and i dont know how to feel about it. im really kind of overwhelmed about the whole college thing. 

ive been with the same group of people for 7-8 years…everyone knows each other already, and you dont have to explain your life story a million times. 

its just crazy to me that i didnt get up this morning and go have my first day of school like i have for the past 12 years of my life. i dont like this feeling at all. 

im scared to leave home. im scared to not be able to come home to my room everyday. im extremely sad that i wont see my parents everyday. i cry about that a lot. 

i miss my school so much. as much as i complained about it, i loved that place. i loved all of my friends, the teachers, and all the craziness that went on there on a daily basis. 

i miss not seeing my boyfriend everyday after first period. god i miss that. 

i feel like im being left in the dust. 

dont get me wrong, im soooo excited about college. but also terrified. im worried its going to be hard…too hard. and im worried i wont be able to still do the things i want to have fun.

i also have to worry about doing too many things. i know i have work study, and i have to do that to help pay for tuition. and i have to keep my grades up to keep, what feels like, the bagillion different scholarships and grants i have. but i also want to be involved. i want to be in the school chorus, possibly the orchestra, maybe some kind of planning committee…and maybe an intramural. and on top of all of that, i want to go to my boyfriends football games…..and still try to go home at least two or three times a month. HOLY CRAP IM GOING TO PULL MY HAIR OUT. 

i feel lonely. i feel like im being pulled in a million different directions. 

at the same time, i see a ton of my friends that went to UGA getting into sororities, and lord knows i wanted with all of my heart to do that. and i cant because my school doesnt have them. 

and my parents arent helping either. i KNOW they are sad. they ACT sad. and that just makes me even more sad. 

and i cant lose him. god i cant lose him. i swear hes the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. but our schedules are going to be completely different now. its going to be a struggle. and im feeling the pain already. missing someone is the worst feeling in the world. we are both busy people, and even though ill be living almost right down the street, its going to be hard. and then what happens after this year??? i cant…..it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. i know deep down in my heart that we can make it work, but that doesnt mean it wont be the hardest thing ive ever done. 

I HATE CHANGE. why cant everything just stay they way it was. i was perfectly happy and content. now my whole life is being turned upside down. 

sorry this post is so long. i just really needed to get this out and everyone in my house is asleep…im just feeling so alone right now. sorry.